...you have a trashy little toaster and two slices of bread that don't quite fit, and you're considering the orientation and the general topology of the bread so as to get the maximum even browning of the slices.

[ published on Sat 26.05.2018 15:05 | filed in interests/humour | ]

das 'innenministerium' heisst auf ungarisch 'belügyminisztérium'.

[ published on Fri 26.08.2016 12:33 | filed in interests/humour | ]
 best use for ms excrement, so far

i salute that 82 year old granny: hers is a perfect example of making things do what you actually /need/, completely ignoring what the ven$$or may have intended them for.

[ published on Sat 16.04.2016 12:46 | filed in interests/humour | ]

contrary to initial expectations ;-), azquotes.com neither collects nor presents any of az's quotes.

bummer. i'm clearly defunct in the notoriety department.

[ published on Sat 06.02.2016 09:15 | filed in interests/humour | ]

it'll complement my nirvana shirt - multi-cultural life and all that :-)

[ published on Sat 14.11.2015 11:50 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Beim Herumstöbern bin ich über diesen ÖBB-Unfallbericht gestolpert, und hab den sehr lustig gefunden.

(Den Italienern ist eine unbemannte ÖBB-Lok Richtung Villach "ausgekommen" und dem Bericht nach sind daraufhin alle kurz wie die kopflosen Hendln herumgelaufen.)

Der Bericht selbst ist wunderbar. Die Formulierungen sind eine wilde Mischung aus Altösterreichischem Amtsdeutsch, elendigen Abkz. u.dgl. - und sehr witzigen Nacherzählungen bzw. Übersetzungen der Zeugenaussagen.

Auf Seite 13 lässt sich da der Italienische Chef gscheit aus, und auf Seite 17 wird klargemacht dass zum "Energischen Auffordern" das mit den Armen wacheln ganz klar dazugehört.

Insgesamt sehr Österreichisch, das Ganze.

[ published on Thu 12.03.2015 20:37 | filed in interests/humour | ]

-- karl kraus, wobei es sich fragt, ob der kraus über die (erlogene!) gschicht mit dem verschlampten hitler-brief gelacht oder gewettert hätte.

[ published on Sat 22.11.2014 22:46 | filed in interests/humour | ]
 the magic excel dryer
[ published on Tue 18.11.2014 07:29 | filed in interests/humour | ]

(see here if DSW is not a term you're familiar with...)

[ published on Thu 13.11.2014 18:17 | filed in interests/humour | ]

(dear english readers, sorry but that's all quite utterly untranslatable.)

 allerdings wirklich sehr potsdings...

wenn ich mir die letzten 40 jahre globale realpolitik anschauen würde dann wär mein resume 'mehr verlogene scheisse als die "seriösen" politiker kann so eine krach-rosa bettina auch nicht anrichten, und da wärs zuschaun wenigstens lustig.'

[ published on Sat 13.09.2014 09:20 | filed in interests/humour | ]

A few weeks ago I was wearing my Nirvana shirt (x-eyed smiley on the front, "flower sniffin, kitty pettin, baby kissin, corporate rock whores" on the back) and waited in the queue at the supermarket.

A woman behind me asked me what kind of company I work for: she had read the t-shirt text and thought it might involve gardening or rock walls...

[ published on Tue 27.05.2014 08:44 | filed in interests/humour | ]

a brazilian female geek has developed conductive makeup and eyelashes to make your visage into an input device.

I'm so looking forward to somebody repurposing this idea for an _out_put device; just imagine the fun that can be had if you could shockprod people remotely...

[ published on Thu 17.10.2013 12:08 | filed in interests/humour | ]

I find Charlie Stross' book series "The Laundry Files" absolutely hilarious.

It's a wild and wicked mix of Lovecraft, a bit of computer science, general IT, Dilbert, the BOFH, Deighton - and maybe Aleister Crowley.

Highly recommended - if you're somebody who appreciates the BOFH stories, Acts of Gord or Dilbert.

(Btw, not recommended - at least not by me: Accelerando. I couldn't stand it.)

[ published on Sun 13.10.2013 13:36 | filed in interests/humour | ]

yesterday the mailman brought the portable usb battery that i had ordered. the box it came in (i'm surprised there even is a box) has some hilarious examples of pretty incompetent translators at work.

 get rid of children

i like the statement 'this product should be keep out of children.' :-) reminds me of conny when she was very little, insisting that baguettes are best eaten sideways.

[ published on Tue 21.05.2013 10:48 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Generally I do opt for almost indestructible plants for the small bit of indoor greenery that I want, but inadvertent horticide does happen every now and then...

(Yes, I know I'm late and that this picture is at least a year old, but I still find it pretty punny.)

[ published on Wed 28.11.2012 18:06 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Apparently pigs are happy to fly (ok, jump and dive) on their own. Chinese pigs, that is.

The pigs actually look more graceful than those acrobatic high divers...

[ published on Mon 19.11.2012 22:08 | filed in interests/humour | ]

But dog-shaming.com is pretty hilarious.

[ published on Tue 16.10.2012 21:25 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Apparently your life history is reflected in the types of germs in your belly button. This is, of course, highly exciting for every human on the planet.

[ published on Sat 14.07.2012 16:26 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Wikipedia is lovely. Today I learned that Kurt Gödel (a pretty well-known mathematical genius) also was a paranoiac and starved to death while his wife was hospitalized because he refused to eat anything not prepared by her.

[ published on Mon 21.05.2012 21:46 | filed in interests/humour | ]
You have 2 cows. You give one to your neighbour.
You have 2 cows. The state takes both and gives you some milk.
You have 2 cows. The state takes both and sells you some milk.
You have 2 cows. The state takes both and shoots you.
You have 2 cows. The state takes both, shoots one, milks the other and then throws the milk away.
Traditional Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You sell one and buy a bull. Your herd multiples and the economy grows. You sell them and retire on the income.
American Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.
Enron Venture Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You sell 3 of them to your publicly listed company using letters of credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with tax exemption for five cows. The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the rights to all seven cows back to your listed company. The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one more. You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States, leaving you with nine cows. No balance sheet provided with the release. The public then buys your bull.
Accenture Model Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You shred them.
French Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You go on strike, organise a riot and block the roads because you want 3 cows.
Japanese Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You redesign them so they are 1/10 the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called "Cowkimon" and market it worldwide.
German Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month and milk themselves.
Italian Capitalism:
You have 2 cows, but you don't know where they are. You decide to have lunch.
Russian Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You count them and learn that you have 5 cows. You count again and learn you have 42 cows. You count again and learn you have 2 cows. You open another bottle of vodka.
Swiss Capitalism:
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you. You charge the owners for storing them.
Chinese Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You have 300 people milking them. You claim that you have a full employment and and high bovine productivity. You arrest the journalist who reports otherwise.
Indian Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. You worship them.
British Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. Both are mad.
Iraqi Capitalism:
Everyone thinks you have many cows. You tell them you have none but they don't believe you and bomb the shit out of your farm. You still have no cows, but at least you are part of a democracy.
New Zealand Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. The one on the left is looking pretty sexy...
Australian Capitalism:
You have 2 cows. Business seems good. You close the office and go for a few celebratory beers.
[ published on Wed 02.05.2012 20:48 | filed in interests/humour | ]
[ published on Sat 21.04.2012 19:26 | filed in interests/humour | ]

possibly educated but precisely zero practical relevance.


i'm serious - which of the above would you consider to be practically useful bits of knowledge and which not? ('impact the course of history'?!?....bwuahahaa)

source: pleated-jeans

[ published on Fri 06.04.2012 00:25 | filed in interests/humour | ]
 accidental h+s

that's the way i read this company name: 'your health and safety is unintentional and purely accidental, as you wouldn't need to buy our services if you were safe and healthy.'

[ published on Sun 18.03.2012 14:03 | filed in interests/humour | ]

(pic snarfed from the demotivator company)

Researchers have found that going to meetings makes people stupid. (The whole paper can be found here - a candidate for an IG Nobel Price?)

If only the apparatchiks in my place of ork knew that - or even better, read this Harvard Business review article...

[ published on Fri 02.03.2012 22:53 | filed in interests/humour | ]

From the aptly named 'strange but true' category (in the Sydney Morning Herald news) here's a story about ridiculously gullible people.

[ published on Tue 22.11.2011 10:05 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Look, a leak - quick, get a plumber!

IMNSHO the cablegate-gate serves assange right, after dribbling out just some of the cables and in homeopathetic amounts over a year.

Information wants to be free after all:-)

[ published on Fri 02.09.2011 15:08 | filed in interests/humour | ]
 dolly parton threatens to visit real soon

That's a screenshot from a recent TV advertisment where Dolly Parton threatens she'll visit Oz real soon, after leaving us in peace for the previous 28 years.

Partlejuice indeed: looks like she spent those umpteen years well interred and/or hitting the botox clinics.

[ published on Mon 29.08.2011 23:16 | filed in interests/humour | ]

include, amongst others, that they're patronizing little FPOS.

[ published on Thu 21.07.2011 21:17 | filed in interests/humour | ]

...if the fellows have to advertise "free shipping". I'd also like a few "Tomohawk"s with that order, please :-)

From a spam that recently made it here (identifying bits redacted):

Subject: Free heroin shipping!
From: <*certainly dud from*>
To: <*me, myself and i*>
Date: Thu, 7 Apr 2011 14:34:25 +0100


1. Heroin, in liquid and crystal form.
2. Rocket fuel and Tomohawk rockets (serious enquiries only).
4. New shipment of cocaine has arrived, buy 9 grams and get 10th for free.

Everebody welcome, but not US citizens, sorry.

ATTENTION. Clearance offer. Buy 30 grams of heroin, get 5 free.

Please contact: <*some other fool*>

PHONE 0093(0)4765***
FAX 0093(0)4485***

[ published on Sat 09.04.2011 14:38 | filed in interests/humour | ]

Every time I walk past that room I have to suppress a fit of silly laughter - because I can't help associating the idea of "completing" students with the video of how a Trabant final inspection used to work.

Now for the all-important question: Can student brains also be improved by just a few judiciously applied hammer blows? ;-)

[ published on Tue 05.04.2011 13:01 | filed in interests/humour | ]

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